{"id":856,"date":"2015-12-25T10:08:14","date_gmt":"2015-12-25T17:08:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/?p=856"},"modified":"2016-06-03T14:04:13","modified_gmt":"2016-06-03T20:34:13","slug":"merry-kitchmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/merry-kitchmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Merry Kitchmas!"},"content":{"rendered":"

First, I would like to riff on last week\u2019s post<\/a> with a video of Alton Brown reviewing some ridiculous single-purpose kitchen accessories<\/a>. Shining above the rest in how much it it makes us shout, \u201cWhyyyy?\u201d is rollie, because someone actually thought, \u201cYou know what would make my life better? If all my food came in tubular form.\u201d<\/p>\n

This year I\u2019m baking a cheesecake, a recipe my mother modified to use dark chocolate making it a hundred times more flavorful than anything I\u2019ve had at the Cheesecake Cafe. (I\u2019ll add the recipe to this post along with pictures later.) The last cheesecake I baked was one of my best, due to the pizza stone I shoved in my crappy old oven to help regulate the temperature, as well as the crust I made from scratch.<\/p>\n

I used to use Oreo crumbs, as everyone else does, but when I dug the box out of the back of my cupboard I noticed its best-before date was sometime in 2012. Good thing I tasted before using them, because they no longer tasted like food at all. The desiccated crumbs tasted of nothing but bitter chemicals that made my lips slightly numb. I was damned well not going back to the store, nor giving Nabisco anymore money for that crap, so I spend over a couple hours trying to find a substitute recipe online.<\/p>\n

It was ridiculous. Almost every recipe out there calls for pre-made cookie crumbs. I wasn\u2019t about to spend a bunch of time making chocolate wafers only to crumble them up then add extra butter and sugar to bind them together in another form. As I said, it took a couple hours, but finally I found this recipe<\/a>. It turned out better than any cookie crust I\u2019ve ever made. It\u2019s funny how it\u2019s called a \u201cmock\u201d cookie crust, seeing as cookie crusts probably started out as mock crumbles. But, as I said, cookie crusts are now so ubiquitous it\u2019s difficult to find a recipe for making them from scratch.<\/p>\n

As a final note, the complete antithesis to what I\u2019m doing has to be this miniature hamburger kit<\/a> from Glorious Nippon. It\u2019s another video that makes me go,\u201cWhyyy?\u201d It probably takes twenty minutes to assemble, in meticulous detail, this tiny abomination they dare to call food. I can see a kid enjoying it exactly once and, after tasting the first flavored playdoh hamburger, letting the rest dry out to become proper play food instead of trying to pass it off as something edible.<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>by <\/span>\"feather\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

First, I would like to riff on last week\u2019s post with a video of Alton Brown reviewing some ridiculous single-purpose kitchen accessories. Shining above the rest in how much it it makes us shout, \u201cWhyyyy?\u201d is rollie, because someone actually thought, \u201cYou know what would make my life better? If all my food came in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[15,22],"class_list":["post-856","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-living","tag-bullshittery","tag-recipes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/856","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=856"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/856\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":895,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/856\/revisions\/895"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=856"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=856"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=856"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}