{"id":846,"date":"2015-12-18T17:19:50","date_gmt":"2015-12-19T00:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/?p=846"},"modified":"2015-12-19T18:24:43","modified_gmt":"2015-12-20T01:24:43","slug":"why-pier-1s-tasting-spoons-are-an-abomination","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/why-pier-1s-tasting-spoons-are-an-abomination\/","title":{"rendered":"Pier 1’s Tasting Spoons are an Abomination"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve had this misshapen lump of inert matter shoved in the back of my cupboards for a few years, after receiving it from people I didn\u2019t know who were hosting a Christmas dinner and felt they had to give everyone something. It would have been better if they\u2019d given us nothing \u2013 they\u2019d already served a nice dinner after all. Why spoil it by foisting junk on people? I admit I didn\u2019t receive it well, with a quiet exclamation of, \u201cTasting spoons? What the hell?\u201d It was an obvious regift, bought by the kind of idiots who buy idiot junk for other people thinking, \u201cI\u2019m sure they won\u2019t have this!\u201d Yes, I\u2019m sure no one would have set of \u201ctasting spoons\u201d because it\u2019s possibly the dumbest fucking idea ever conceived out of a brain-diseased foodie\u2019s asshole.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to sound like a total ingrate, because we\u2019re all supposed to receive gifts gracefully no matter how ill thought out they are. No matter how much of a burden they\u2019re inevitable to be, cluttering our cabinets while serving no function other to annoy us with their existence. My hatred for this shit can\u2019t be measured in magnitudes of any scale. There is no hyperbole large enough to contain it. If you share with me the idea that all things should be either beautiful, useful, or otherwise consigned to the scrap heap, join me on my joyful rant as the yule tide floods us all with more crap we never knew we didn\u2019t want until it lands in our laps with a shiny bow and dares us to confront the void of brain-dead consumer spending and the society that pisses away people\u2019s lives to make literal garbage. Fa la la la la la\u2026<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

First, to describe these abominations in full: they are a set of cheap ceramic spoons, similar to Chinese soup spoons (which would actually be beautiful and useful, as opposed to these boring blank things with stupid handles), set in a glass rack that can\u2019t be repurposed for anything better. The idea is you make an unsatisfying amount of \u201cgourmet\u201d food for your stupid foodie friends, and everyone gets one tiny spoonful. Then, once you\u2019re done tasting, you\u2019re left hungry and have to clean these stupid single-purpose spoons after one incredibly pretentious snack.<\/p>\n

What kind of person only makes enough food for people to enjoy one bite? A stingy asshole. What kind of person needs an ultra-specialized delivery mechanism for one bite of food? A stupid asshole. These spoons are for assholes. In fact, the only other use I can think for them is to directly shove them rectally. I\u2019m sure someone would be totally into that. They could use these spoons to make a porno, which would be better than using them for their intended purpose because it\u2019s exactly what these stupid shit scoops deserve.<\/p>\n

I am morally opposed to the \u201ctasting spoons.\u201d They have no right to exist. Someone wasted man hours thinking this dumb shit up, poorly designing it, then having it manufactured in a sweatshop in China \u2013 only adding to the sum total misery in the world. They then pumped more carbon into the atmosphere, and probably killed several marine animals, shipping it back to America to waste some idiot\u2019s money. They could have contributed to the world more by punching that idiot in the gut and stealing their wallet, because then that idiot wouldn\u2019t subject their idiocy on everyone who had to endure the \u201ctasting spoons\u201d in some way or other. Their fate, whether they\u2019re ever used or not, is to end up in the landfill wasting space on this precious planet.<\/p>\n

These \u201ctasting spoons\u201d have only served to contribute to the sum total entropy of the universe. And as all entropy equals information, what information do the tasting spoons reveal? That we, as a race, value neither the planet nor other human beings, but only the almighty dollar, and churn out useless crap to try to squeeze as much as we can out of everything and everyone to no benefit. Future archaeologists will piece these spoons together and, if they can discover their inane purpose at all, will conclude that the 21st century was filled with fucking morons.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve held on to these things for a couple years because I don\u2019t know of what fate they\u2019re most deserving. I don\u2019t want to clutter up the landfill with them before they\u2019ve been significantly denigrated. I\u2019d give them away on Freecycle, my usual policy for getting rid of useful things I no longer need, but I don\u2019t want to meet the kind of idiot who\u2019d want the damned things. I sure as hell don\u2019t want to contribute to the sum total idiocy in the universe by passing them on to someone who\u2019d use them for their intended purpose. I\u2019d use them for skeet shooting, but don\u2019t own a gun. I want them out of my life by this Christmas. That\u2019s my present to myself. Suggestions for their proper disposal are most welcome in the comments below.<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>by <\/span>\"feather\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve had this misshapen lump of inert matter shoved in the back of my cupboards for a few years, after receiving it from people I didn\u2019t know who were hosting a Christmas dinner and felt they had to give everyone something. It would have been better if they\u2019d given us nothing \u2013 they\u2019d already served […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":851,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[24,18],"class_list":["post-846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stupid","tag-rants","tag-society-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=846"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":855,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions\/855"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}