{"id":832,"date":"2015-11-20T00:39:11","date_gmt":"2015-11-20T07:39:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/?p=832"},"modified":"2015-11-27T13:25:24","modified_gmt":"2015-11-27T20:25:24","slug":"clash-of-the-obsessions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/clash-of-the-obsessions\/","title":{"rendered":"Clash of the Obsessions"},"content":{"rendered":"

Octavia Butler once wrote about \u201cpositive obsession\u201d \u2013 something constructive you do because you just can\u2019t stop yourself. It completely takes you over. For her it was writing, and led to a great career. But what do you do when you have more than one, and they keep wrestling with each other?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve struggled with this for ages. I keep bouncing back and forth between one art and another. For a while, one takes over \u2013 and I\u2019m driven to do nothing but. It feels great, but at the same time I neglect my other passions when I\u2019m fully immersed in one of them. I can\u2019t seem to find a balance.<\/p>\n

This is why I\u2019ve had a problem finding a career, because a professional has to focus on what pays, and keep doing it even when it\u2019s a chore. Instead, when I\u2019m feeling unchallenged, or over-challenged, or bored, I jump into something else entirely and get all caught up in it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve read all kinds of advice like, \u201cWrite down five things you love to do. Now figure out the one you want to do most and AVOID THE OTHERS LIKE THE PLAGUE FOREVER.\u201d Maybe that\u2019s the only way I\u2019ll ever be a pro writer, if I give up all other art forms completely \u2013 but it feels like I\u2019d be losing a richer life. I don\u2019t want to be single-minded. I want to have hobbies as well, but it\u2019s a little like having dessert before a fantastic feast. You fill up on the guilty pleasure and have no room for just-as-tasty food that\u2019s good for you.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been thoroughly immersed in 3D modeling lately, to the exclusion of all other pursuits. I\u2019ve been learning new animation techniques, and those dopamine highs are hard to resist. I haven\u2019t been reading much and I\u2019ve barely been writing. Writing right now is a chore. I\u2019m forcing myself to do it \u2013 to remove myself from the 3D environment and stick my head in a page full of words (or a blank one awaiting words).<\/p>\n

When I force myself to sit and write, I go to the couch where it\u2019s comfortable to do it, because then it feels like a real break from the other thing. I focus on how good it feels to not be sitting in that unforgiving computer chair, because otherwise it would be hard to rip myself away from it. Even so it\u2019s hard to focus. The thing that\u2019s fun right now keeps calling to me.<\/p>\n

The other night I couldn\u2019t sleep because I couldn\u2019t stop thinking. Despite knowing how much I\u2019d regret getting a bad sleep, I missed these idea storms. I haven\u2019t had one in ages. Coming up with stories feels great, but it\u2019s yet another mod idea. I\u2019m still stuck on the novel to the point where I\u2019m disgusted with it, and that\u2019s the whole problem. It\u2019s not fun right now, whereas this hobby stuff is.<\/p>\n

I have a feeling the novel problem will only work itself out if keep myself engaged with it, but I don\u2019t have enough headspace for that with the other project consuming me. Eventually I pull my head out of this kind of thing and go cold turkey on it for a while. That\u2019s probably the only thing I can do, but dammit I don\u2019t wanna. This sucks.<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>by <\/span>\"feather\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Octavia Butler once wrote about \u201cpositive obsession\u201d \u2013 something constructive you do because you just can\u2019t stop yourself. It completely takes you over. For her it was writing, and led to a great career. But what do you do when you have more than one, and they keep wrestling with each other? I\u2019ve struggled with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,19],"tags":[31,32,40,48,47],"class_list":["post-832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-games","category-writing","tag-3-d-modeling","tag-creativity","tag-insanity","tag-stupid-brain","tag-work-life-balance"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=832"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":835,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832\/revisions\/835"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}