{"id":552,"date":"2015-05-22T16:54:50","date_gmt":"2015-05-22T23:54:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/?p=552"},"modified":"2016-06-03T14:13:10","modified_gmt":"2016-06-03T20:43:10","slug":"aristotle-for-dudebros-the-golden-mean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/aristotle-for-dudebros-the-golden-mean\/","title":{"rendered":"Ethics for Dudebros: The Golden Mean"},"content":{"rendered":"

You may think Aristotle was just some boring old Greek philosopher dude, but he taught Alexander the Great how to conquer the world (most of it anyway) so Aristotle totally knew his shit. He was a dude who knew how to live the good life, and he laid down how everyone else could be good dudes too, by following what he called the Golden Mean.<\/p>\n

The Golden Mean is our scale for being a Chillbro. It means if you go too far with something, you\u2019re being an Asshole, whereas if you\u2019re not doing enough, you\u2019re being a Douche. Being a Chillbro means sitting comfortably between the two extremes. According to Stotes (Stotes is what I call my main man, Aristotle), there\u2019s 12 ways you can be awesome (Virtues), but 24 ways you can fuck it up (Vices), so there\u2019s two Vices to Each Virtue. Here\u2019s a chart to make it nice and simple:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\t\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t
<\/th>How a dude is at:<\/th>Asshole<\/th>Chillbro<\/th>Douchebag<\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n
1<\/td>Being Brave<\/td>Fucktard<\/td>Badass<\/td>Chickenshit<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
2<\/td>Self-Control<\/td>Junkie<\/td>Cool<\/td>Granola<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
3<\/td>Spending Money<\/td>Spendacious<\/td>Party Animal<\/td>Cheapass<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4<\/td>Being Rich<\/td>Pimped Out<\/td>Awesome<\/td>Boho<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5<\/td>Being a Good Sport\/Leader<\/td>Cock<\/td>Epic<\/td>Loser<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
6<\/td>Getting Things Done<\/td>Grind<\/td>Hustler<\/td>Slacker<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
7<\/td>Keeping His Cool<\/td>Rageaholic<\/td>Chill<\/td>Wuss<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
8<\/td>Telling it Like it is<\/td>Bullshitter<\/td>Real<\/td>Sandbagger\/Humblebragger<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
9<\/td>Laying Down the Funny<\/td>Clownshoes<\/td>Roflcopter<\/td>Tightass<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
10<\/td>Hanging Out<\/td>Kissass<\/td>Bro<\/td>Pissy<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
11<\/td>Handling Shame<\/td>Pisspotomus<\/td>Stud<\/td>Broho<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
12<\/td>Curbing Jealousy<\/td>Hater<\/td>Righteous<\/td>Troll<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n
    \n
  1. So for the Virtue of being Brave, you can either be a Chickenshit if you\u2019re not brave enough, or a Fucktard if you\u2019re so stupid-brave you ramp your motorcycle off a bridge because you thought you could totally jump onto that garbage barge and now your motorcycle is totaled and you\u2019re stuck with a broken neck on a garbage barge.<\/li>\n
  2. For Self-Control, if you have none you\u2019re a Junkie and it doesn\u2019t matter for what. But if you don\u2019t know how to enjoy anything, you\u2019re totally Granola. Like, a Granola dude is someone who rags on other people for doing cool shit like eating meat and playing beer-pong, so he\u2019s no fun to be around at all.<\/li>\n
  3. When it comes to spending money, the Party Animal is a dude who buys his bros drinks, which is cool because nobody like a Cheapass. But if a bro maxes out his credit cards on hookers and blow and can\u2019t pay it off, he\u2019s an idiot \u2013 a Spendacious idiot.<\/li>\n
  4. Now the last point was how the average dude should spend money, but Stotes also mentioned how the rich can be Awesome, or not. The Pimped-Out dude is a dude who tricks out his shitmobile with spinners and purple neon lights to show off how much he doesn\u2019t know how to spend his money, whereas a truly awesome dude would just buy a Farrari or something. At the other extreme is the Boho \u2013 the trust fund baby who\u2019s slumming it to show how he\u2019s totally not like his dad, and buys some POS ecomobile to shame other people for burning gas.<\/li>\n
  5. On being a Leader, or just a Good Sport, a dude is Epic if he\u2019s done something honestly awesome. If he never does anything awesome, or just whines all the time, he\u2019s a Loser. But if he\u2019s pushing people around and bragging and shit, whether he wins or not, he\u2019s a total Cock.<\/li>\n
  6. Someone who gets results is a Hustler, which is a good way to be. Better than being a Slacker, the dude who does fuck all \u2013 a little slack is cool, but a total slacker has no self-respect and never gets anywhere. You don\u2019t want to be a Grind though, because if you work yourself to death for little reward, you have no pride.<\/li>\n
  7. When it comes to keeping your cool, well this should be pretty obvious. Being a Rageoholic is bad for your health, and everyone else\u2019s. No one wants to be around a guy who constantly loses his top over dumbass shit. On the other hand, it\u2019s not cool to curl into a little ball and cry at the slightest hint of confrontation, so don\u2019t be a Wuss either.<\/li>\n
  8. Now, you want to be a stand-up dude when it comes to owning up, so keep it Real. No one respects a chronic Bullshitter, and no one respects the guy who plays shit off like it\u2019s no big deal either. That dude is either the Sandbagger, someone who makes himself out to be bad at something so he can pull the rug out and win, or the Humblebragger<\/a>, who bitches about his first world problems to make himself look good.<\/li>\n
  9. Though a little bit of bullshit is okay if it\u2019s funny. Don\u2019t be Clownshoes, the dude who makes a total ass of himself, talks too loud, cracks jokes that just aren\u2019t funny, and never knows when to fucking stop. But don\u2019t be a Tightass either. Learn how to take a joke, and how to make one. The Roflcopter is a dude who lifts other people up.<\/li>\n
  10. As for hanging out, be a good Bro to your bros. Chummy is good, but don\u2019t be a Kissass. It makes everyone around you uncomfortable. Don\u2019t be Pissy either. No one like a crabby asshole. I know, Stotes put the crabby asshole on the Douche side of the chart, but that\u2019s because he was measuring how much\/how little care a dude has.<\/li>\n
  11. The same switcheroo can be seen on the Stud spectrum, where the chart means too much\/too little shame. A Pisspotomus is so full of shame he pisses himself about everything, and the Broho is a dude with no shame at all \u2013 and I don\u2019t mean being a ho just about sex, but a dude who\u2019ll eat a lump of dog shit off the street for ten bucks. Is the Broho a Douche or an Asshole? Stote\u2019s chart says he\u2019s a Douche but it works either way.<\/li>\n
  12. Last of all is how you handle dicks in your life. A Righteous dude is someone who gets choked for the right reasons, like someone kissing his girlfriend. If the dude is mean but not angry, like if he\u2019s playing people off one another for yuks, he\u2019s a Troll. Whereas a dude who can\u2019t stand to see anyone else do good is a Hater, and fuck that guy.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    So that\u2019s how the Golden Mean breaks down for the 21st century dude. Use it well, my Bros, and make yourself Chill.<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>by <\/span>\"feather\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    You may think Aristotle was just some boring old Greek philosopher dude, but he taught Alexander the Great how to conquer the world (most of it anyway) so Aristotle totally knew his shit. He was a dude who knew how to live the good life, and he laid down how everyone else could be good […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[20,15,41],"class_list":["post-552","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-living","tag-advice","tag-bullshittery","tag-philosophy-for-dummies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/552","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=552"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/552\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":907,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/552\/revisions\/907"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=552"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=552"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarahdimento.com\/~sarah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=552"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}